Annasiel's Portfolio

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Annasiel
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Re: Annasiel's Portfolio

Post by Annasiel » Fri Dec 14, 2018 9:06 am

Do I know why I'm crying
Do I even want to know -
To have one more thing to hold above
Look and see -- just look at me
And give your pity, give your hope
Warmth and honest-meant intentions
Sat on sugared tongues - I fear
Or maybe wish, it isn't clear yet
Which of the two are dearer held
Take myself -- a spectacle of bruises
Gaze upon the works of life born bare
I can tell you think me nothing
Is nothing really more than I deserve?
I lust for condolences --
Compassioned eyes in which
A bitter waif reflected - no more meant
To present myself as such, and nothing less.

Is nothing really more than I deserve?
It's what I leave myself
An emptiness I gladly show the world
To fill with kindly-spoken, swindled words.
"Life is a constant process of dying."

Schopenhauer fucking wept.

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Annasiel
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Re: Annasiel's Portfolio

Post by Annasiel » Fri Dec 14, 2018 9:18 am

This is not a cry for help
I'm drowning on dry land
And though my lungs -
Bereft of water
Burn and quake
- I will not take your hand
I'll hold it fast and pull myself
Deep into the ground
A dim-lit place -
The darkness blinds me
Turn it off
- I wish to not be found and found
And
Something in me
A voice that is my own
It claims to mine -
Imposter's words
Spoke from my thoughts
- And I reap what those thoughts sow
Not mine
Mine forever
All alone - yet
Still together
Save me from my
This is not a

This is not a cry for help

I only want no help to find myself
"Life is a constant process of dying."

Schopenhauer fucking wept.

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Annasiel
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Re: Annasiel's Portfolio

Post by Annasiel » Thu Mar 14, 2019 8:37 am

I looked in a mirror
The mirror was me
It bore my own name
And it wore my own face
And from my own lips
It declared itself free
But the words were another's
Its being a disgrace
I call myself mirror
I call my twin same
We stand in reflection
And move without thought
To which is the actor
And which wears the frame
Which is the source
And which strays apart
I am the Master
I am the Slave
Dichotomous motion
And synthesis found
Twixt the patterns, the urges
The flickering rays
That in mirror and mirror
Rebound and compound
Til all that remains
Is a flicker of self
A torus of light
And a will overpowered
We each raise a glass
In a toast to our health
And each will lie wasted
Within the next hour
Myself and my twin
My mirror and me
I stand in my frame
And declare myself free
"Life is a constant process of dying."

Schopenhauer fucking wept.

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Annasiel
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Re: Annasiel's Portfolio

Post by Annasiel » Tue Mar 26, 2019 9:17 am

I don't remember taking pills.
I'd swear I didn't, but
The way the world feels like a movie -
Empty, far, flat, devoid
Of any warmth or depth to fill
It can't be just a simple rut
A little dip in confidence and form -
Chin up, eyes up, march forward
Please, let me ask you this.
Why is it when I drift through life
I seem to slip in a vulgar high
Half-life of the swollen eyed -
Yet
When I drink until the world starts spinning
That, and no time other
Is when I truly feel alive?
Warmth bloomed on pale cheeks,
A hidden vigor trapped beneath the ice
It's nice.
Calm.
Peaceful.
I just wish it lasted longer.
"Life is a constant process of dying."

Schopenhauer fucking wept.

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Annasiel
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Re: Annasiel's Portfolio

Post by Annasiel » Tue Mar 26, 2019 9:23 am

Let me
Fucking
Think
Let me fucking
Type
Let me stick to anything

Just
let me live my life
Stop
sticking to my hands
I can't
Hold up
The weight
I need to move to save myself -
Give up.
It's too late.
"Life is a constant process of dying."

Schopenhauer fucking wept.

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Annasiel
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Re: Annasiel's Portfolio

Post by Annasiel » Tue Mar 26, 2019 9:32 am

I never thought I'd be confused
By total opposites in truth
Lots and littles, bigs and smalls
But when I try to contemplate
The way I feel and felt of late
I've found myself to muse -
Do I feel too much, or nothing at all?
Maybe it's like frostbite's touch
And steals away your senses yet
Leaves in place a firey cold
That eats til you are nothing left
But husk, and soul, and deep, deep sleep
Yes, sleep, sleep is all I mind
Go on ahead in the tundra, friend
And leave me here to sleep behind.
"Life is a constant process of dying."

Schopenhauer fucking wept.

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Annasiel
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Re: Annasiel's Portfolio

Post by Annasiel » Wed Apr 03, 2019 9:50 am

What am I but a thought that tries
To realize what it entails
But when it looks upon its self
It only sees the pale.

What am I but a wayward whim
A happy dream
A mortal sin
All bound in flesh and dust and bones
That's surely slowly dying.

What am I but memories past
Long lasted forgotten friends
A time when summer suns shone warm
And never seemed to end.

What am I but that very question
Brought to form
By introspection
Lost in any sense of meaning
But for some direction -

Give me purpose, give me peace
If purpose died, then some relief
From closing walls of rigid holes
To try and catch a mortal soul.

What am I? Oh, what am I?

A single watcher born to die?

We all chase some significance -
But if life had meaning
If life had meaning, then --
Would it truly make a difference?
"Life is a constant process of dying."

Schopenhauer fucking wept.

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Annasiel
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Re: Annasiel's Portfolio

Post by Annasiel » Wed Apr 17, 2019 8:02 am

Stand on your head, make the world spin round
See what you lack in a new point of view
Frowns are now smiles, bad thoughts now bright
But something old's lost in the new
Something's not here in this new point of view
When you upended you left your head right
And only your smile is wrong
Pressed in the dirt where your hands are now feet
And your hair where your legs should belong
You can feel how the smile tastes wrong
Turn a check on its head it's an upside-down check
Turn a wave on its head, it's the same
Turn a frown on its head and you've made yourself smile
But is it worth playing the game
When you know deep down it's all the same
Nothing, nothing has changed.
"Life is a constant process of dying."

Schopenhauer fucking wept.

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Annasiel
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Re: Annasiel's Portfolio

Post by Annasiel » Wed Apr 17, 2019 8:10 am

Morning light, do you ever wonder
What it's like when you're away?
Do you dream of an Earth in shadow
As you divide your tawny day?
And evening glow, do you wonder same
What life is like beneath the Sun?
I know I'm not the only one
To count my hours one by one.
Stars in dark, you see each half
Though in the day you mask your gleam
I wonder if you think life fair
Or if you wish you too could dream?
Seemly life as yet unseen.
Seemly life the stars all see.
We mortals sleep, some day, some night
But never neither here below
Are we too, like the spheres, divided
Twixt morning light and evening glow?
Only the stars, perchance, might know
And they will never tell us so.
"Life is a constant process of dying."

Schopenhauer fucking wept.

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