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- Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2018 7:43 am
TAKING OUT THE TRASH, ANARCHY, PING PONG
"Why are you doing this!?"
"Nobody has ever said that to me before. This is exciting! Well, the short answer would be that you, and all your friends here are trash and I need to take out the trash. But you seem really genuinely interested, so I'll tell you the whole story right from the beginning! It started about a year ago when I was talking with some buddies of mine. Petey
, who by the way are the two best ping pong players I've ever met, not that I've met that many, I've actually only ever played ping pong with the two of them. Do you play ping pong? Goddamn I wish I was playing ping pong right now...
But I digress! I was talking with Petey
and we had decided that we're sick of scumbags like you doing whatever the fuck they want and gettin' away with it. So Petey
grabbed up his bat and Jason
, well he just punches you fuckers so I guess he just put on a mean face. And I went and took this here Cleaver, my dad's a chef ya'know. So we went out and hit the town! It was fuckin' glorious! Eventually we figured that we need to diversify, there are plenty of fuckfaces that need dealin' with outside of this shining shithole we call DC. So we stole this fancy machine from... uh... FUCK, I don't remember! Oh well, it was one of those fuckin' seedy tech corporations controlled by corporate shitbags. And we've been using it to get around.
Anyway on one of my days off I see you and your pals here peelin' away in that van of yours from the neighbors house. Me being the fucking prodigy I am, figured that you guys were up to no good so I hopped on my bike and followed you assholes here. Of course that was about a week ago and I clearly didn't come over until today, so I'm sure you're wondering what I did over that week. Well one thing I did was I watched the news, and they talked about you and your friends here robbing my poor neighbors house. On the news they talked about how you shot his fucking DOG! What kind of a fucking piece of shit scumbag shoots a god DAMNED PUPPY! That's fucked up. So I sat at home for a week waiting till the moment felt right. And well, today it did. So here I am. In your house, surrounded by your dead buddies. That's why I'm doing this shit. Oh wait, you there? Oh shit he's dead. Oh well."
- Dad's Cleaver
- Motorcycle (Red Yamaha R1)
- Other Assorted Knives
- Molotov Cocktails
- Mace® Pepper Spray (Petey's idea)
- Homemade Taser
- Google Pixel
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