The Watch: Jingo

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The Watch: Jingo

Post by Archer_Algren » Sat Mar 24, 2018 2:06 am

It was only moments ago when one of the local Fishermen came with miraculous news of an island rising from the bottom of the sea, the Island of Leshp, but unfortunately, during the night the fisherman, Solid Jackson, tries to claim it, a Klatchian Fishermen named Greasy Arif also laid claim to it, and now, tensions between Ankh-Morpork and Klatch are at an all time high, to remedy this, the Patrician, Lord Havelock Vetinari, has called for all the guild heads and other people of importance to his office at the winter palace to discuss their options.

Lord Vetinari looked attentive, because he’d always found that listening keenly to people tended to put them off.
And at meetings like this, when he was advised by the leaders of the city, he listened with great care because what people said was what they wanted him to hear. He paid a lot of attention to the spaces outside the words, though. That’s where the things were that they hoped he didn’t know and didn’t want him to find out.
Currently he was paying attention to the things that Lord Downey of the Assassins’ Guild was failing to say in a lengthy exposition of the Guild’s high level of training and value to the city. The voice, eventually, came to a stop in the face of Vetinari’s aggressive listening.
“Thank you, Lord Downey,” he said. “I’m sure we shall all be able to sleep a lot more uneasily for knowing all that. Just one minor point…I believe the word ‘assassin’ actually comes from Klatch?
“Well…indeed…”
“And I believe also that many of your students are, as it turns out, from Klatch and its neighboring countries?”
“The unrivaled quality of our education…”
“Quite so. What you are telling me, in point of fact, is that their assassins have been doing it longer, know their way around our city and have had their traditional skills honed by you?”
“Er…”
The Patrician turned to Mr. Burleigh.
“We surely have superiority in weapons, Mr. Burleigh?”
“Oh, yes. Say what you like about dwarfs, but we’ve been turning out some superb stuff lately,” said the President of the Guild of Armorers.
“Ah. That at least is some comfort.”
“Yes,” said Burleigh. He looked wretched. “However, the thing about weapons manufacture...the important thing...”
“I believe you are about to say that the important thing about the business of weaponry is that it is a business,” said the Patrician.
Burleigh looked as though he’d been let off the hook on to a bigger hook.
“Er…yes.”
“That, in fact, the weapons are for selling.”
“Er…exactly.”
“To anyone who wishes to buy them.”
“Er…yes.”
“Regardless of the use to which they are going to be put?”
The armaments manufacturer looked affronted.
“Pardon me? Of course. They’re weapons.”
“And I suspect that in recent years a very lucrative market has been Klatch?”
“Well, yes…the Seriph needs them to pacify the outlying regions…”
The Patrician held up his hand. Drumknott, his clerk, gave him a piece of paper.
“The ‘Great Leveller’ Cart-Mounted Ten-Bank 500-pound Crossbow?” he said. “And, let me see…the ‘Meteor’ Automated Throwing Star Hurler, Decapitates at Twenty Paces, Money Back If Not Completely Decapitated?”
“Have you ever heard of the D’regs, my lord?” said Burleigh. “They say the only way to pacify one of them is to hit him repeatedly with an axe and bury what’s left under a rock. And even then, choose a heavy rock.”
The Patrician seemed to be staring at a large drawing of the “Dervish” Mk III Razor-Wire Bolas. There was a painful silence. Burleigh tried to fill it up, always a bad mistake.
“Besides, we provide much-needed jobs in Ankh-Morpork,” he murmured.
“Exporting these weapons to other countries,” said Lord Vetinari. He handed the paper back and fixed Burleigh with a friendly smile.
“I’m very pleased to see that the industry has done so well,” he said. “I will bear this particularly in mind.”
He placed his hands together carefully. “The situation is grave, gentlemen.”
“Whose?” said Mr. Burleigh.
“I’m sorry?”
“What? Oh…I was thinking about something else, my lord…”
“I was referring to the fact that a number of our citizens have gone out to this wretched island. As have, I understand, a number of Klatchians.”
“Why are our people going out there?” said Mr. Boggis of the Thieves’ Guild.
“Because they are showing a brisk pioneering spirit and seeking wealth and…additional wealth in a new land,” said Lord Vetinari.
“What’s in it for the Klatchians?” said Lord Downey.
“Oh, they’ve gone out there because they are a bunch of unprincipled opportunists always ready to grab something for nothing,” said Lord Vetinari.
“A masterly summation, if I may say so, my lord,” said Mr. Burleigh, who felt he had some ground to make up.
“It’s about time Johnny Klatchian was taught a lesson,” said Lord Selachii. “Remember all that business last year with the cabbages? Ten damn boatloads they wouldn’t accept!”
“And everyone knows caterpillars add to the flavor,” said Vimes, more or less to himself.
The Patrician shot him a glance.
“That’s right!” said Selachii. “Good honest protein! And you remember all that trouble Captain Jenkins had over that cargo of mutton? They were going to imprison him! In a Klatchian jail!”
“Surely not? Meat is at its best when it’s going green,” said Vimes.
“It’s not as if it’d taste any different under all that curry,” said Burleigh. “I was at a dinner in their embassy once, and do you know what they made me eat? It was a sheep’s—”
“Excuse me, gentlemen,” said Vimes, standing up. “There are some urgent matters I must deal with.”

Vimes then walked outside and found Cheery Littlebottom, the Dwarf Forensics expert, who was waiting with a pigeon on her shoulder.
“Send word to all Watchmen, I want them all assembled in Pseudopolis Yard at six o’clock.”
“Right away sir, although I might need an extra pigeon if I can’t write small enough.”
With that, Cheery proceeded to scribble on a piece of paper and sent the Pigeon off.
“I’ll head back inside, you go back to Pseudopolis Yard, I’ll see you all there.”
Said Vimes as he went back into the Rats Chamber.

There were raised voices when he went back into the Rats Chamber.
“Because, Lord Selachii,” the Patrician was saying, “these are not the old days. It is no longer considered…nice…to send a warship over there to, as you put it, show Johnny Foreigner the error of his ways. For one thing, we haven’t had any warships since the Mary-Jane sank four hundred years ago. And times have changed. These days, the whole world watches. And, my lord, you are no longer allowed to say ‘What’re you lookin’ at?’ and black their eyes.” He leaned back. “There’s Chimeria, and Khanli, and Ephebe, and Tsort. And Muntab, these days, too. And Omnia. Some of these are powerful nations, gentlemen. Many of them don’t like Klatch’s current expansionist outlook, but they don’t like us much, either.”
“Whyever not?” said Lord Selachii.
“Well, because during our history those we haven’t occupied we’ve tended to wage war on,” said Lord Vetinari. “For some reason the slaughter of thousands of people tends to stick in the memory.”
“Oh, history,” said Lord Selachii. “That’s all in the past!”
“A good place for history, agreed,” said the Patrician solemnly.
“I meant: why don’t they like us now? Do we owe them money?”
“No. Mostly they owe us money. Which is, of course, a far better reason for their dislike.”
“How about Sto Lat and Pseudopolis and the other cities?” said Lord Downey.
“They don’t like us much, either.”
“Why not? I mean t’say, we do share a common heritage,” said Lord Selachii.
“Yes, my lord, but that common heritage largely consists of having had wars with one another,” said the Patrician. “I can’t see much support there. Which is a little unfortunate because we do not, in fact, have an army. I am not, of course, a military man but I believe that one of those is generally considered vital to the successful prosecution of a war.”
He looked along the table.
“The fact is,” he went on, “that Ankh-Morpork has been violently against a standing army.”
“We all know why people don’t trust an army,” said Lord Downey. “A lot of armed men, standing around with nothing to do…they start to get ideas…”
Vimes saw the heads turn toward him.
“My word,” he said, with glassy brightness, “can this be a reference to ‘Old Stoneface’ Vimes, who led the city’s militia in a revolt against the rule of a tyrannical monarch in an effort to bring some sort of freedom and justice to the place? I do believe it is! And was he Commander of the Watch at the time? Good heavens, yes, as a matter of fact he was! Was he hanged and dismembered and buried in five graves? And is he a distant ancestor of the current Commander? My word, the coincidences just pile up, don’t they?” His voice went from manic cheerfulness to a growl. “Right! That’s got that over with. Now, has anyone got any point they wish to make?”
There was a general shifting of position and a group clearing of throats.
“What about mercenaries?” said Boggis.
“The problem with mercenaries,” said the Patrician, “is that they need to be paid to start fighting. And, unless you are very lucky, you end up paying them even more to stop—”
Selachii thumped the table.
“Very well, then, by jingo!” he snarled. “Alone!”
“We could certainly do with one,” said Lord Vetinari. “We need the money. I was about to say that we cannot afford mercenaries.”
“How can this be?” said Lord Downey. “Don’t we pay our taxes?”
“Ah, I thought we might come to that,” said Lord Vetinari. He raised his hand and, on cue again, his clerk placed a piece of paper in it.
“Let me see now…ah yes. Guild of Assassins…Gross earnings in the last year: AM$13,207,048. Taxes paid in the last year: forty-seven dollars, twenty-two pence and what on examination turned out to be a Hershebian half-dong, worth one-eighth of a penny.”
“That’s all perfectly legal! The Guild of Accountants—”
“Ah yes. Guild of Accountants: gross earnings AM$7,999,011. Taxes paid: nil. But, ah yes, I see they applied for a rebate of AM$200,000.”
“And what we received, I may say, included a Hershebian half-dong,” said Mr. Frostrip of the Guild of Accountants.
“What goes around comes around,” said Vetinari calmly.
He tossed the paper aside. “Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum of moo. And I am afraid to say that these days all I get is moo.”

Sam knew this was not going to go well for the city as he rested his head in his palm.


*Pseudopolis Yard*
Despite Sergeant Aznavour being a mere desk segeant, he recently got the un-envied position of Pigeon watcher, he was simply lying on a hammock while his new “partner”, Baldrick, handled the actual job while he rested.
“Here’s your tea sir.”
“Thanks Baldrick.”
As he sipped, he failed to notice a new pigeon coming in.
Baldrick proceeded to get the letter off its leg and tried to ask
“Sir, a new letter has arrived.”
“Leave me alone Baldrick.”
“So you don’t want this message?”
“I know I applied for this job Baldrick, but I feel like I could do more, instead I get assigned to pigeon watching, I’m of nobility! I’m a trained assassin! Yet look at me now Baldrick!”
Said Char as he sighed, but changed his look upon seeing the message Baldrick was holding.
“Now, what's that message?”
“I thought you didn't want it.”
“I may do, it depends what it is.”
“So you do want it?”
“Well, I don't know, do I? It depends what it is.”
“I can't tell you unless you want to know. Now I'm so confused I don't know where I live or what my name is.”
“Your name is of no importance and you live in the pipe in the upstairs water-closet.”
Snarked Char, as he took the letter by force.
“Cripes, Baldrick, send word to every watch house in the city, have them and their Watchmen assemble here in Pseudopolis yard by 6 o clock.”
“Will do sir.”
"The world is not beautiful, therefore it is."

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Re: The Watch: Jingo

Post by Rebellious_Soul » Sat Mar 24, 2018 6:52 am

Darryl was making his rounds, his sword clanking on his left side with every step, and his faithful hound matching his stride on his right. He was on guard duty, walking the perimeter of the watch house he was stationed at until his relief arrived. Which was still an hour and a half away. He had come to loathe guard duty, simply because he missed action. He missed battle, and hadn't seen it in what felt like a life time. Nothing exciting ever happened on guard duty, besides the occasional drunken Watchman he had to escort home. Even that hadn't happened in a while. He sighed lightly, before pausing to look calmly around him. Everything was still, not even the wind blew. That is until a man came running up to him. Charlie automatically set himself into a defensive stance and, after recognizing the man was a fellow Watchman, Darryl signaled him to sit. The watchman paused, catching his breath before he spoke.
"Sir, a pigeon arrived today. All watch are to meet up at Pseudopolis at 6. Pass it on." He said urgently and took off again. Puzzled, Darryl watched as the watchman trotted away from him. He looked down at Charlie and patted his leg for him to follow, before heading back to his own watch house.
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Re: The Watch: Jingo

Post by Trooper FN-86 » Mon Mar 26, 2018 9:54 pm

Vincent was playing cards with one of the newer watchmen when the messager pigeon arrived. It didn't take long for the message to spread through the watch house then the streets. Now those not spreading the message around the city were talking among themselves about the upcoming meeting. They wondered why they were being summoned, if they were to be made into a military, all the usual questions. Vincent just advised them to be ready for anything and headed upstairs to dress in his finer armor.

When he opened his door he was greeted by his trusty chest. Vincent treated it like Darryl treated Charlie and patted the red wood chest in it's lid.

"Hey there Redwood...can I have my good armor please?"

Vincent said to his chest, causing it to quickly open and present his belongings. Vincent quickly began changing, asking the same questions to himself the recruits asked eachother.
If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

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Re: The Watch: Jingo

Post by Rebellious_Soul » Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:01 am

Darryl opened the front door to the watch house, Charlie on his heels. He looked around the large room, noticing some younger watch playing cards, and thought about joining in himself. Darryl decided against it, and made his way across the room to the door to his quarters. He slowly opened the door, but before it had opened half way he was knocked off his feet by brute force. Darryl landed on his back and looked up to see his luggage dancing on top of him.
"Terrance! Knock it off!" He exclaimed, half surprised that the small luggage had been able to bring him down. Terrance stepped off his master, and looked down at the floor sadly.
"Now don't be like that. You know not to surprise me." He scolded. "Now, can I have my armor please?" He asked and the truck bounced happily and opened, allowing Darryl to collect his armor. After he had equipped himself, he backed out of his room and decided to find Vincent.
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Re: The Watch: Jingo

Post by Archer_Algren » Tue Mar 27, 2018 9:52 am

Within the Rats Chamber, Voices were being raised and one of them repeatedly kept shouting the word “Rhubarb” amongst the shouting, at least that’s what Sam can make out.

“Gentlemen, please,” said the Patrician. He shook his head. “Let’s have no fighting, please. This is, after all, a council of war. As for re-forming the regiments, well, this is of course your ancient right. The supplying of armed men in times of need is one of the duties of a gentleman. History is on your side. The precedents are clear enough, I can’t go against them. I have to say I cannot afford to.”
“You’re going to let them play soldiers?” said Vimes.
“Oh, Commander Vimes,” said Mr. Burleigh, smiling. “As a military man yourself, you must—”
Sometimes people can attract attention by shouting. They might opt for thumping a table, or even take a swing at someone else. But Vimes achieved the effect by freezing, by simply doing nothing. The chill radiated off him. Lines in his face locked like a statue.
“I am not a military man.”
And then Burleigh made the mistake of trying to grin disarmingly.
“Well, commander, the helmet and armor and everything…It’s really all the same in the end, isn’t it?”
“No. It’s not.”
“Gentlemen…” Lord Vetinari put his hands flat on the table, a sign that the meeting had ended. “I can only repeat that tomorrow I shall be discussing the matter with Prince Khufurah—”
“I’ve heard good reports of him,” said Lord Rust. “Strict but fair. One can only admire what he’s doing in some of those backward regions. A most—”
“No, sir. You are thinking of Prince Cadram,” said Lord Vetinari. “Khufurah is the younger brother. He is arriving here as his brother’s special envoy.”
“Him? That one? The man’s a wastrel! A cheat! A liar! They say he takes bri—”
“Thank you for your diplomatic input, Lord Rust,” said the Patrician. “We must deal with facts as they are. There is always a way. Our nations have many interests in common. And of course it says a lot for the seriousness with which Cadram is treating this matter that he is sending his own brother to deal with it. It’s a nod toward the international community.”
“A Klatchian bigwig is coming here?” said Vimes. “No one told me!”
“Strange as it may seem, Sir Samuel, I am occasionally capable of governing this city for minutes at a time without seeking your advice and guidance.”
“I meant there’s a lot of anti-Klatchian feeling around—”
“A really greasy piece of work—” Lord Rust whispered to Mr. Boggis, in that special aristocratic whisper that carries to the rafters. “It’s an insult to send him here!”
“I am sure that you will see to it that the streets are safe to walk, Vimes,” said the Patrician sharply. “I know you pride yourself on that sort of thing. Officially he’s here because the wizards have invited him to their big award ceremony. An honorary doctorate, that sort of thing. And one of their lunches afterward. I do like negotiating with people after the faculty of Unseen University have entertained them to lunch. They tend not to move about much and they’ll agree to practically anything if they think there’s a chance of a stomach powder and a small glass of water. And now, gentlemen…if you will excuse me…”
The lords and leaders departed in ones and twos, talking quietly as they walked out into the hall.

Sam headed towards Pseudopolis Yard with Cheery in tow,
“What will happen to us Commander? Will they force us to fight?”
Asked the Dwarf.
“Don’t worry about that, for now, we have to focus on that Klatchian prince coming here, I hope all of them are at Pseudopolis Yard by now.”
Said Vimes.

*Pseudopolis Yard*
Angua and Carrot were waiting for the Watchmen to show up, in the meanwhile, Carrot was preparing some bread for them while Angua was making sure the entire perimeter was safe.
“What do you think the Commander has to tell us?”
Asked Angua.
“I don’t know Angua, I do hope its nothing too bad though, everybody seems to be troubled with the whole business with Klatch.”
Said the Captain.
“Well, I hope nothing bad happens, we’ve gotten our hands full with the citizens here, don’t need foreign trouble added to the list.”
Said Angua.
"The world is not beautiful, therefore it is."

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Re: The Watch: Jingo

Post by Trooper FN-86 » Wed Mar 28, 2018 3:25 am

It didn't take long for Vincent to change and after saying goodbye to his chest quickly found his old comrade Darryl. It seemed he had a similar idea, as he was wearing his finer gear as well. The skeleton would have smirked if he could, but sense he couldn't simply walked over and spoke to his friend.

"Darryl. I see you decided to dress up as well. Ready to find out what we were all called for?"
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Re: The Watch: Jingo

Post by Rebellious_Soul » Wed Mar 28, 2018 3:49 am

Darryl nodded in greeting to his friend, before nodding again in acknowledgment of his question.
"I was wondering if you had heard. There's been talk of war recently, I'll bet it has something to do with that." He said seriously. "I'm willing to bet Commander Vimes knows what's going on." He finished.
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Re: The Watch: Jingo

Post by Trooper FN-86 » Wed Mar 28, 2018 4:11 am

"I would as well. Personally, I think we're either being made into the new army or doing something so outlandish we'd never guess in a hundred years. Most likely the latter. However there is only one way to find out..." Vincent said, gesturing for Darryl to take the lead. It was nearing time for the meeting to take place and Vincent was only growing more and more curious with each passing moment.
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Re: The Watch: Jingo

Post by Rebellious_Soul » Wed Mar 28, 2018 12:18 pm

Darryl nodded and stepped forward, Charlie beside him. He led the way up to the Pseudopolis Yard, and stopped once he was close enough to see Angua and Carrot talking amongst themselves. He let them talk for a minute longer, before he stepped a bit closer. "So what's going on?" He asked.
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Re: The Watch: Jingo

Post by Archer_Algren » Thu Mar 29, 2018 3:43 am

“Oh, Hello you two.”
Said Carrot as he noticed them,
“We’re not sure ourselves, Commander Vimes said he’ll explain once he gets here.”
Said Angua.

As soon as all the Watchmen were present in the front of Pseudopolis Yard, Vimes went in front to say something, he cleared his throat a bit to make sure people were paying attention, and then came the announcement;
“Alright all of you, we have a busy night ahead of us, we are being asked to clear the streets and neighborhoods around Unseen University for the arrival of the Klatchian Prince Khufurah, he safety is of utmost importance, I know some of you may not like the idea of a Klatchian visiting us during these tense times, but you will treat him as if he were one of our own Law-abiding Citizens, got it?”
Said Vimes, everybody agreed.
“Good, everybody split into 4 men squads and start sweeping the areas around Unseen, I need to go get ready for tomorrow, they asked me to lead the procession.”
Sam said with some disdain in his tone.
“Anything out of the ordinary, you all make sure it doesn’t interfere with Tomorrow’s events, dismissed.”
With that, the Watchmen formed groups of Four.

“Come on Baldrick, I need to find some people to join before all the good ones are Taken.”
Said Char as he dragged his hapless partner around, he found Carrot and Angua.
“Would it be alright to join you two sir?”
Asked Char as Carrot gave him a look.
“Oh I’m sorry, me and Angua already partnered up with Cheery and Detritus, maybe try somebody else Char.”
Said Carrot, Char was crestfallen.

Baldrick kept walking around until he bumped into a skeleton and a man,
“Good evening sirs, could my partner and I join you two?”
He asked Darryl.
"The world is not beautiful, therefore it is."

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