Is Respect Owed or Earned?

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Trandafir
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Re: Is Respect Owed or Earned?

Post by Trandafir » Sat Oct 28, 2017 3:28 pm

So the trick is to just go to someone and ask “hello sir/madam, have you fought in a war or have any kids?” Before deciding wheather you should tell them to fuck off or not

But really, is it that hard to treat people with respect? Tell them to have a nice day you know, sometimes being treated with kindness by a stranger can have a great impact in someone’s day. I know it happened to me quite a fee times.

So yep, I disagree with Stitch. I prefer to respect people as often as can. Respecting someone doesn’t mean to treat them as if they were better or more important than you, just treat them as you wish you’d be treated (yay golden rule)

I used to smile at people in the street a lot, it made me feel good. I forced myself to stop because more often than not men would take that as an invitation to say I look nice or some other kind of unwanted comment when you’re just going out to buy bread. Those men do not deserve my respect, but because they lost the right to it when they decided it’d be a good idea to harrass me on the street.
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Re: Is Respect Owed or Earned?

Post by Snowskeeper » Sat Oct 28, 2017 9:13 pm

auspiciousPetals wrote:
Fri Oct 27, 2017 9:00 pm
You aren't owed respect simply by being a parent, you get respect by being a good parent. You don't get respect because you're a teacher if you're also an asshole to your students. You don't get respect simply by having served in the military if you use it as a reason to be a superior asshat to everyone you meet. Yes, you served, thank you, now get your fucking attitude that we owe you the world in check.
All of these examples are of people doing something disrespectful, therefore squandering whatever respect anyone else had for them. How would you treat these people before they've had a chance to do anything?

Also, I mean... I'd argue that going through the pain of childbirth earns you a certain amount of respect, at least at that particular point in time. I'd agree with you about the father, since the father doesn't actually put in any effort until the process of actually rearing the child begins (and even then, his opportunities to earn respect are only equal to those of the mother), but.

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Re: Is Respect Owed or Earned?

Post by UmbraSight » Sun Oct 29, 2017 11:13 pm

I have a sister who works in the NICU, and going by the stories which I have had the pleasure of hearing -- being a mother doesn't automatically warrant any respect.

Generally speaking, you should treat people kindly -- and that's the main issue here, there are two versions of "respect" one being the idea of the golden rule, and the other being a requirement to show deference to someone in an authoritative role. The first one should be automatic, you should treat those around you kindly unless they give you a reason not to. You don't need to bend over backwards to help them, and nor they to you, but something as simple as holding a door does not cost much.

The second form of respect can only be judged by merit, and what you as a person count as important. Personally I don't find that I would award this level of "respect" to any broad class. A mother or a soldier, no matter their experiences can still be horrible people. But again, this idea of "respect" is more a judgement you make as a person on those around you, a marker of what you find makes a person "upstanding" and worthy of your awe so it ain't easy to nail down quickly.
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Re: Is Respect Owed or Earned?

Post by Stitches » Tue Oct 31, 2017 3:17 am

You see, I just treat everyone equally shitty because i hate people as a collective whole with minor exceptions, therefore I start with the belief that you can earn my respect. The first interaction I have determines a lot.
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Re: Is Respect Owed or Earned?

Post by Snowskeeper » Fri Nov 03, 2017 6:50 am

auspiciousPetals wrote:
Tue Oct 31, 2017 3:17 am
You see, I just treat everyone equally shitty because i hate people as a collective whole with minor exceptions, therefore I start with the belief that you can earn my respect. The first interaction I have determines a lot.
Isn't that a self-fulfilling prophecy, though? You've already said you think the reason that people don't deserve to be treated with respect to begin with is that many people behave poorly. If you, in turn, behave poorly to everyone you meet, doesn't that seriously decrease the likelihood of you encountering people who do treat you with respect?

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Re: Is Respect Owed or Earned?

Post by Stitches » Fri Nov 03, 2017 7:49 pm

I also hate everyone, so I kind of don't care either way. =D
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Re: Is Respect Owed or Earned?

Post by MayonnaiseSupreme » Sun Nov 05, 2017 7:32 am

For me, there is a certain level of respect that everyone deserves. That's what provides a sense of control and order in modern society. Respect is directly related to morality, and in a way speaks levels about what you feel is good and ethical treatment, versus what you feel is negative or immortal treatment.

In a large way, when you choose to abuse someone, assault them, or verbally harass another individual, it is usually coming from the internal statement that you have a lack of respect for them, all other things controlled and constant such as being mentally fit and able (not suffering from any empathy-issues related to Personality Disorders) and so forth. So naturally, if we are to decide that we shouldn't steal, pillage, do violence upon others or verbally insult the innocent on a whim for factors out of their control or things that do not really affect you, it means that we have decided that a certain level of respect IS deserved and given universally, whether we are consciously aware of it or not.

That being said, where you draw the line is dependent on the person and culture, and in my opinion, so long as the right to life, safety and security is preserved, all other levels of respect are objectively not necessary*, the asterix being an important point.

Personally, I raise level of respecting others to a considerably higher level than most. This is partly because of the culture and atmosphere I was raised in, and also due to some of my moral beliefs. It is also demanded of me because of my chosen industry and environment I surround myself in. Respect, whether I might agree with it at all times or not, is necessary for success in the career I am working for.

That being said, I don't expect everyone to go to that extent because it's not at all times necessary, and I admit that I am not perfect. But that's where necessary respect versus complimentary or pro-social respect comes in. So long as someone respects me enough to allow me to live with dignity, freedom and a safe environment, I am happy. I don't need them to respect me for any of my achievements, because I recognize they are just subjective things that not everyone will find value in anyway. I also don't need respect based on any charities or moral behaviors I might repeatedly engage in for the same reason.

If I might be more personal, while I will be usually quite respectful and careful to never cross certain boundaries with others, I am not extra respectful because I expect to be treated that way in return. I make it a personal goal to be the best person I can be within my limits, knowing all too well I might get nothing but crap back. I agree with auspiciousPetals that most people behave quite poorly and are probably undeserving of a lot of respect, but I simply can't allow myself stray from the things I find important in life. They bring me a sense of purpose, and even rub my ego a little bit knowing I am putting an active effort to be above-average. Not to say that others should be like me, because unless giving extra respect brings you genuine content, the act is useless and probably a waste of your energy stores.

But not on FB comments :) I am an absolute disrespectful troll on social media if I think the person is a flipping idiot who has no basic respect for anyone else. I do my best not to cause negative feelings in others or make them feel less of a person, but if I think someone is absolutely dastardly, they get the minimum "respect" and nothing more.

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Re: Is Respect Owed or Earned?

Post by bastecklein » Thu Nov 16, 2017 4:49 am

Whether you believe someone else or even yourself gets respect is irrelevant. You only have control over yourself and your actions, and will be judged based on whatever you say or do. If you show disrespect in public, people will respond accordingly. I say just take care of yourself and treat all friends and casual acquaintances with respect, have no enemies, and you will have a good life.
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Re: Is Respect Owed or Earned?

Post by Nathanswift2 » Fri Nov 17, 2017 7:34 pm

Great. All I'm learning is that people on this site are afraid to speak their minds. Sad.
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Re: Is Respect Owed or Earned?

Post by Stitches » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:07 pm

Okay, I'll be real for a minute. I'm a fucking nice person, and extremely shy when I'm face to face. I only make eye contact if someone else initiates it, I smile at everyone, I ask people if they need help, I totally front as a mega bitch, okay? I say I hate everyone, what I really mean is I am socially awkward, way too quiet and spent most of my life being the object of ridicule or a target for other people's aggression.

Respect is, in some way, something that almost eveyone deserves a bit of. Being human gives you a little bit, because we all go through some serious shit and go on. That is respected. But beyond that, it's earned. Lets be real. You arent going to respect someone yelling at you because of something they did that messed things up for you later. I could just live in a shitty place, but I think about 85% of the population will do something that makes me lose respect for them.

And to be clear, I don't respect myself, therefore I dont think "treat others the way you want people to treat you" works for me, because I honestly dont care how people treat me.
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