D&Dummies

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D R I F T E R
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Re: D&Dummies

Post by D R I F T E R » Sat Jul 14, 2018 12:48 pm

My most significant memory of playing D&D was back in 2016 when me and a couple of friends decided to do a casual D&D Homebrew campaign about a group of sellswords wandering a very stereotypical grimdark fantasy. Long story short, we built up the ragtag team of no-good mercenaries from a bunch of burlap-sack-shirt wearing dudes armed with sticks and farm tools into a functioning fighting force over the course of the year, taking on contracts raging from defending merchant caravans to scouting ancient ruins at the edge of the known world.

At one point during the campaign, the DM decided to give us a fun little contract: Recently, a small little hamlet at the edge of human territory called Fernandesville has been having a little problem with tribal orcs raiding their livestock and sometimes going over to the village to kidnap a couple of settlers every couple of weeks. The Baron of the hamlet, some nobleman whose name I don't remember anymore, decided to put a stop to it because dead settlers = dead economy and no taxes. To do so, he hired us to go and explore the frontier and find the local orc tribe that's been massacring these poor settlers. Our job was to intimidate them into retreating further into the frontier so that they wouldn't mess with the settlers anymore.

The pay was good and the job seemed easy, so we gladly accepted. Mind you, at this point we had 4 player characters who were kitted out with armor and weapons fit to hunt a dragon, and we even had a little NPC group of 6 other mercenaries following us around. What's a group of tribal orcs to a fully armed and armored warband of 10 veteran mercenaries, we thought. Fortunately, our prediction was correct. Almost terrifyingly so.

So, after some trekking through the woods and a couple of really bad perception rolls that resulted in us wasting at least 2 days worth of travel, we eventually came across a small orcish tribal settlement built in a forest clearing. Observing from afar, we noted that these orcs had the same warpaint and clothes as the orcs that the settlers claimed attacked Fernandesville. We thought this was enough intel and we rushed in to run them down and get paid. By the time our horses came charging full speed towards the camp, we realized too late that the place was a camp filled with women, the elderly and children and not a vicious warband. At that point, we had gone too deep to pull out, and the mercenary band had to pretty much fight our way out of there as the orcs around us rushed to attack us, figuring us for settlers from Fernandesville who came to avenge their lost. Being orcs, they put up a good fight and we had to kill at least two dozen before they dispersed and ran for the treeline. Fortunately, there were some orc warriors who got killed during the fight, so we took their bodies as proof to bring back to the nobleman.

Along the way, we of course got lost again because of poor rolls and our sub-par survival skills. We got so lost that we somehow managed to walk a complete circle and end up back at the orcish camp we attacked. Only this time, everyone in it were well and truly dead. Some quick investigation later revealed that they got killed by goblins (in our lore, orcs and goblins were ancient rivals) after a nearby raiding party found their location following our little skirmish with the orcs. When we tried to leave, the DM decided to spice things up and had the orcish raiders return just in time to see our mercenary band standing in the middle of their destroyed home. Of course, we got the fuck out of there with curses and spears hurled towards us.

A couple days of running through the forest from a huge band of angry vengeful orcs later, we arrive in Fernandesville and presented them with the dead orc bodies as proof of a job well done. The nobleman, none the wiser, paid us and we got out of town ASAP. During the next D&D session, while our mercenary band were far away from the Fernandesville, we heard news of a marauding band of orcs burning down villages along the frontier and massacring every human they see before they got wiped out by a larger human army sent by the kingdom. Suffice to say, from then on we tried our best not to mention having ever taken a contract from Fernandesville to potential contractors. Interestingly, the DM even gave a couple of our more Lawfully-aligned characters massive skill debuffs (aka PTSD) for a couple of weeks after the whole disaster, as if the thought of having caused the death of all those people wasn't enough.

The campaign lasted well until early 2017 due to final exams and high school graduation coming, where we decided to end it with our mercenaries retiring after having lived a long life of adventuring.

TL;DR = Mercenary band gets hired to hunt down raiding tribal orcs and instead come across an orcish tribal camp. One skirmish later, the whole orcish camp location is revealed and goblins arrive to kill the whole camp while the mercenary band is away. When orcish warriors return to the camp, they thought we had killed their families and they get extremely pissed. Fast forward a couple of days, a whole army of orcs raze Fernandesville and a couple of other neighboring villages to the ground. Though we got paid and left unscathed, we pretty much accidentally caused the deaths of hundreds of innocent orcs and settlers, and had to live the rest of our lives with the guilt.
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Re: D&Dummies

Post by shadowvoidboss » Sun Jul 15, 2018 10:22 am

People on here that know me or at least know my antics on rpf...well it also happens in dnd. Which I enjoy playing a wild magic mage.

I have so many stories XD
Huberty duberty I rolled a 42 I'm now a shrubbery.

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Re: D&Dummies

Post by Wint » Sun Jul 15, 2018 5:57 pm

Oh daaang, please share XD
“sorry i cant hear you over the sound of me running headfirst into a concrete wall” - Shaw

“Fuck your cloud of blueberry lies” - Fang

“I had a chungus tea once. It was a chunky boi. I chucked my change at Charles who chucked up chunks of chungus chai.” - Ser

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Re: D&Dummies

Post by AeronGrey » Sun Jul 15, 2018 9:24 pm

Best D&D story ever about how wild magic and drinking ruined absolutely everything.
And it's animated, to boot!
https://youtu.be/1H-1WJtuzPg

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Wint
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Re: D&Dummies

Post by Wint » Sun Jul 15, 2018 9:51 pm

I SAW IT MAYBE 3 TIMES ALREADY
IT'S SO GOOD
“sorry i cant hear you over the sound of me running headfirst into a concrete wall” - Shaw

“Fuck your cloud of blueberry lies” - Fang

“I had a chungus tea once. It was a chunky boi. I chucked my change at Charles who chucked up chunks of chungus chai.” - Ser

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Re: D&Dummies

Post by Shinigami » Sun Jul 15, 2018 10:58 pm

So, I got pulled into one of Umbra's games. I'm playing a halfling rogue who robs people to support his family. 👌
Image I am Shinigami, the local god of death.

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Re: D&Dummies

Post by shadowvoidboss » Sun Jul 15, 2018 11:08 pm

So one game we did in a fake fight we did on stage for money I rolled a crit 20 on performance so I was power rangers kamena from gurren Lagann epic ness and over the top only to cast fireball on myself on stage thanks to wild magic.
Huberty duberty I rolled a 42 I'm now a shrubbery.

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Annasiel
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Re: D&Dummies

Post by Annasiel » Mon Jul 16, 2018 12:52 am

Wild Magic is the most beautiful thing to over exist.

Umbra is allowing my druid in our campaign to both

A. Cast shillelagh on two quarterstaffs at once
B. Dual wield quarterstaffs with disadvantage

Something bad come? I hit with two big stick. Well, if I manage to hit it at all.
I look in the water and fear what I see
I know it's no stranger but I know it's not me
My life is a lie that was uttered in jest
If I can't change at all, let me rest

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Re: D&Dummies

Post by shadowvoidboss » Mon Jul 16, 2018 3:59 am

Aaccurate
Huberty duberty I rolled a 42 I'm now a shrubbery.

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Re: D&Dummies

Post by AeronGrey » Mon Jul 16, 2018 4:11 pm

Annasiel wrote:
Mon Jul 16, 2018 12:52 am
Wild Magic is the most beautiful thing to over exist.

Umbra is allowing my druid in our campaign to both

A. Cast shillelagh on two quarterstaffs at once
B. Dual wield quarterstaffs with disadvantage

Something bad come? I hit with two big stick. Well, if I manage to hit it at all.
That is so bullshit and against the rules in so many ways.

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